We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter
Celeste Headlee, is an author, speaker, journalist, and visionary recognized and noted for her intensive work with NPR, PBS, and the TED speaker stage. Celeste goes on in this session to talk about how asking meaningful questions, and how active listening, and how follow-up questions can actually make or break a person who wants to emerge as an inspiring leader. Wow. The golden nuggets of wisdom she shares here are so inspirational.
“Leaders fail, over half of leaders fail and we have to ask ourselves why? Well one of the biggest things that organizational psychologists will point to is the expertise trap when you get into a leadership position you people tend to believe they don’t need to learn anymore. They all of a sudden start thinking that part of their role is to teach other people how to do things and give advice and give guidance and that’s not true.”
In addition to this quote, here are six points of conversation that resonated with me most deeply.
Charisma is a quality that many of us associate with leadership. We often picture charismatic leaders as being able to captivate their team. But empathy a more important quality.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It allows you to see things from other people's perspective, which helps you understand what they need and how best to give it to them. And that means that empathy leads to better results for your team.
Managers who are deem themselves experts is a problem that many leaders face, and one of the biggest reasons why your company can't reach its full potential. Top leaders think they know everything. They think their job is to give advice and guidance. But what if it's actually the opposite?
In fact, feeling you no longer need to learn anything more has a harmful effect on leadership and culture. The truth is that leaders who are constantly learning from their team members, customers, and competitors will always be prepared to tackle any challenge head-on—because they're not afraid of change and don't see it as a threat.
“Leaders should enter conversations not to impart information yet rather to learn information” - Celeste Headlee
Difficult conversations with people who are different from ourselves are the most valuable. The truth is that people who are different from us see things differently than we do. The vantage point that this difference offers us is invaluable. It can transform us, and it will help us make better decisions in the future, and become stronger leaders.
So when you're wanting to avoid a difficult conversation remember: it's worth leaning into it and learning from it, and can even save you from making bad decisions and give you a tactical advantage that you wouldn’t have had.
It might seem like a small thing, but being genuinely curious about the people you work with is actually huge.
Active listening and follow-up questions literally make or break your ability to lead effectively. Follow-up questions show that you are actually listening, that you are actually interested, and that you are actually curious—and these actions help build trust and confidence in your team members. It also gives the feeling that they are truly valued, trusted, and heard. Nothing is more motivating, encouraging, and inspiring than that.
It shows your team members that they matter to you and will be taken care of by you as their leader. The genuine nature of this behavior is meaningful in its own right because it shows our connection to each other as human beings: we care about each other because we have empathy for one another. Not genuinely curious about other people – that’s your Achilles heel as a leader.
Imposter syndrome is a real thing. It's a feeling that you don't deserve your success, or that you're not good enough to be where you are. And it can make us feel like we're not worthy of the accolades we get—or even worse, that someone else deserves them more than we do.
But it turns out that there's one thing imposter syndrome can actually do for us: make us curious.
imposter syndrome might actually be a good thing. Because the people who experience this kind of anxiety are so driven to prove themselves, they're often incredibly curious about learning new things. They want to know what's happening in their industry, and how they can get better at what they do. They tend to be passionate about their work and highly motivated to succeed.
We need training on how to collaborate, Celeste makes the point that we are trained to individually win in the school system. Our schools are set up to teach us how to win on our own. But in the real world, we need to work together to get things done.
Think about it: In school, we are taught how to be good at taking tests, writing essays, and doing math problems—all of which help us get good grades. But when it comes time for us to enter the workforce, we are suddenly expected to collaborate with others who have different strengths and weaknesses than us. We're not taught how to do this. We're thrown into a situation where everything depends on our ability to work well with others—and we simply don't have the skills necessary for it! Why aren’t we trained to lean on others’ expertise?
What can we do? How can we learn these basic teamwork skills? It's not easy—in fact, switching can be hard. Some parents might find it difficult and not agree. And kids may not want to work with their peers because they don't like them. We should start training students on how to collaborate from an early age.
Learn more about Celeste Headlee, journalist, author, and lead trainer and president of Headway DEI.
Celeste Headlee is an internationally recognized journalist and radio host, professional speaker and author of bestselling book We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter, Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving, Speaking of Race: Why Everyone Needs to Talk About Racism and How to Do It, and You’re Cute When You’re Mad: Simple Steps for Confronting Sexism. Her TEDx Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation, has been viewed over 34 million times. Close to 50,000 talks have been given at 10,000 events since the TED program launched in 2009, and Celeste’s talk is one of the 10 most-watched talks posted on TED’s homepage.
In her 20-year career in public radio, Celeste has been the Executive Producer of On Second Thought at Georgia Public Broadcasting and anchored programs including Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, Here and Now, All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition. She also served as co-host of the national morning news show, The Takeaway, from PRI and WNYC, and anchored presidential coverage in 2012 for PBS World Channel. Celeste is a regular guest host on NPR and American Public Media, serves as an advisory board member for ProCon.org and The Listen First Project, and received the 2019 Media Changemaker Award.
She is the host of “Women Amplified,” a podcast from the Conferences for Women, the largest network of women’s conferences in the nation, drawing more than 50,000 people to its annual events.
Celeste is also the president and CEO of Headway DEI, a non-profit that works to bring racial justice and equity to journalism and media through targeted training and interventions, and she serves on the board for the National Center for Race Amity. Celeste is the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still, known as the Dean of Black American Composers and she is a trained operatic soprano. She lives in the DC area with rescue dog, Samus.
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Natasha Ganem, PhD, serves as principal consultant and organizational psychologist at Lion Leadership, an executive education firm dedicated to helping company owners design world-class leadership teams. To learn more about Lion Leadership coaching services, management training, and off-site retreat facilitation, contact us at info@lionleadership.com.
Lion Leadership – an executive education company.
We coach and train leadership teams and mid-level managers so that people don’t quit because of bad bosses. Whether you need 1-on-1 coaching for yourself, a custom leadership academy for your company, off-site retreats for your teams, or just a few hours of morale building, we are here to get your organization ready for what’s next. Natasha Ganem, Ph.D., is the founder and principal consultant.