I Understand Because I've Been There: Leading with Empathy, Expertise, and Effectiveness
Today on the Lion40 Podcast I talk to Dr. Jerome Lubbe, a South African-born Congolese immigrant who came to the States on asylum status as a refugee with a hundred bucks, two suitcases, a bipolar grandmother, and a parrot. He tells us tells how coming from nothing and his own health issues, has shaped his leadership journey as patient, provider, parent, and partner.
“ I am actually a South African-born Congolese immigrant kid who came to the States on asylum status as a refugee. My dad was born in Rhodesia now Zimbabwe, my mom England, but raised in Rhodesia now Zimbabwe, and we immigrated in the early nineties from Kansas in Noxville with a hundred bucks, two suitcases a bipolar grandmother, and a parrot, and we started with nothing.”
In addition to this quote, here are some points of conversation that resonated with me most deeply.
In hindsight, our struggles can give us our most valuable assets.
Jerome talks about bouncing around a lot when he was younger, going to eleven schools before he graduated high school. He said that every experience was profound and he learned a lot about what it means to change gears and be a third-culture kid, and kind of code switch. He goes on to say that it was probably one of the most invaluable gifts, that now being a patient and a doctor, allows patients to connect with him better when many previously often felt dismissed.
Broadly, code-switching involves adjusting one's style of speech, appearance, behavior, and expression in ways that will optimize the comfort of others. When you code switch, you're adjusting your behavior or speech to fit in with other people or groups of people. This behavior can help leaders be more effective at work because they're able to connect with people from different backgrounds, cultures, and different experiences. The ability to adapt how you speak and behave depending on who you're talking to helps you build empathy, rapport, and establish trust and allow people to feel heard. It says to someone I know where you are, I've been there, and I'm still there now so I understand what you’re going through.
2. Your past experiences of growing up can fuel you to create what you were missing.
Jerome talked about not having the resources to manage pain, grief, loss, or trauma, and it's one of the things that's ended up evolving into his work, becoming trauma-trained and trauma-informed. I think it's really important for us to start looking at where we can find these resources and also what types of resources are missing, and then how do we fill those gaps?
When you go through trauma, you go through something significant and you experience emotional, relational, and mental pain. When you get through to the other side, you are uniquely qualified to help other people through the same thing. Many grow up feeling like something was missing or that if they had a certain kind of support, life would have been easier, and seek to create that support to help others so they don’t have to struggle like they did. Wanting to help others is a driving force as a leader.
3. You always have to look at a person as a whole.
When we look at somebody as a whole person, then we can start to understand what are the needs they have. And then we can begin to think about how we meet those needs in ways that are going to be effective.
When I'm coaching people I think about - how can I help them? What do they need? How can I encourage them? How can I support them? What are their goals? What are their dreams? How can I help them achieve those things?
As a leader, it's your job to make sure you have happy employees. If they're happy, they'll be more productive. If they're productive, they'll have great ideas, solutions, and products. If they have those things, your business will grow.
As Jerome puts it: “We have to look at people we work with as a whole person, and that's not only physical, but it's also a mental, emotional, relational, and also for some folks that's spiritual.”
4. Create a team that can support you.
You can’t fill from an empty cup. As someone who talks to clients a lot about burnout, it was so interesting to hear Jerome talk about building his practice as an apprenticeship, training others to work towards replacing himself as a leader so he can increase his rest days by 10% every year now that he is established.
So many people I talk to burn the candle at both ends. Yet what you do today is not necessarily what you should be doing tomorrow. You can go full force, and put everything to it for a few years, but you cannot sustain that kind of speed and drive over the course of a career.
If you're spending all of your time managing people, then you're not getting anything done yourself. And worse, your employees aren't learning how to run their own teams or make decisions on their own. They may be competent at their jobs, but the goal is to train people to also be your support system and function without you so you can properly run and work ON your business and not be bound to the weeds and work IN the business.
5. Rest is important and not a waste of time, it’s actually a skill for success.
This is a message that I’m always trying to get across in how to be productive. Jerome puts it in a great way saying short-term decisions for long-term gains. People often have a hard time actually resting because they feel too guilty about being unproductive. They feel they have too many fires to put out and even spending time meeting with me and leadership training tends to fall by the wayside. The reality is that it can be your biggest tool to getting the most out of your time and is actually an investment.
The most successful people know that rest is just as important as work. They understand that taking time off from their work gives them the energy they need to get back at it with renewed focus and commitment. And they know that taking vacations makes them more productive when they return home.
Taking time to truly rest is beneficial for your productivity and our business. There was recently a study done with dozens of companies in the UK trying a four-day work week and choosing to stick with it since it actually was better for business. You can read more about that here.
6. You are not limited by what you have but limited by what you know it’s not too late to make changes.
From a scientific standpoint, Jerome says our brain is still capable of doing great things - our brain is a muscle. It’s just whether or not you are willing to do that and you're willing to surround yourself with people who can move you forward in that conversation, but you can absolutely change. You have to be willing to say I am not limited by what I currently have.
From my social psychology background when I'm working with clients, one of the things I keep telling them is you have to actually tell people you want to change. This is the time to pivot. Change can be scary but so is staying the same.
More About Dr. Jerome Lubbe
Dr. Jerome is a practicing clinician, CEO and founder of Thrive Neuro Health, and creator of The Brain-Based Enneagram. As a clinician, brain-coach, teacher, trainer and mentor he is often referred to as “The Personal Trainer for Your Brain” and “An Identity Rehab Specialist”.
Dr. Jerome is also known as the “Patient Doctor” because it was his own quest for neurological well-being that led him to specialize in complex, unresolved neurological cases.
Dr. Jerome has been actively involved in a clinical setting as both a patient and a provider for more than twenty years. He has built a diverse network of providers in varying disciplines in order to establish an in-house network that offers both best-in-class clinical acumen and trauma-informed care.
He also teaches workshops and seminars internationally to businesses, organizations, and individuals who want to optimize and foster more sustainable, wholistic well-being. He currently resides in Atlanta with his wife of 17 years, Deborah and their three children, Bennett, Maggie, and Finley.
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Author Information
Natasha Ganem, PhD, serves as principal consultant and organizational psychologist at Lion Leadership, an executive education firm dedicated to helping company owners design world-class leadership teams. To learn more about Lion Leadership coaching services, management training, and off-site retreat facilitation, contact us at info@lionleadership.com.
Lion Leadership – an executive education company.
We coach and train leadership teams and mid-level managers so that people don’t quit because of bad bosses. Whether you need 1-on-1 coaching for yourself, a custom leadership academy for your company, off-site retreats for your teams, or just a few hours of morale building, we are here to get your organization ready for what’s next. Natasha Ganem, Ph.D., is the founder and principal consultant.